Saturday, March 19, 2011

Does Your Teen Have A Problem Listening To You?

When Parents Holler Teens Shut Down

Why do some teens have a problem listening to parents? Why do they shut their parents out?
(For simplicity I'll be  referring to young men. This article applies to young ladies just the same).

Let Your Teen Express Himself
If you're always hollering and making demands, he has already closed his ears to anything you have to say. Think about it. What if you're at work and one of your coworkers come up to you and start going off on you. How would you feel? Wouldn't you feel like defending yourself right off? What if you tried to speak, but she kept cutting you off? Would you hear anything she had to say after that?

You have feelings and views that aren't being heard. You want to understand the problem, but she's not hearing your side. The conversation gets no where. The more she doesn't listen to you, the more you get upset.  All you want is to be heard. You want the opportunity to express your feelings and your viewpoints. You want her to understand your side of the story.

Try To Understand
The conversation ends without ever being resolved. She walks away feeling relieved. You walk away feeling misunderstood. You still have feelings and views pent up inside of you. If only she had taken the time to listen to you, then she would have understood you better. Even if she didn't understand you, just the fact that she listened to you would have showed that she cared enough, to hear what you had to say.

Now put your teenager in your shoes. Are you like the coworker? Do you let him express his feelings to you freely? Are you so upset at times that you cause him to shut down? You won't get much conversation from him at that level. Sure he'll listen. Maybe you're frightening him into listening. But what part is he really hearing? Probably none of it.

Pay Attention To How You Speak
When we talk to our teens, we want them to listen. We're defeating the purpose if all we do is holler, demand, and give orders. If your boss was like that, how long would you stick around? Our kids are no different. They have feelings too. We need to acknowledge their feelings and let them speak. When they do, we need to really listen to them. We should try to put ourselves in their shoes. We must try to understand the reasons behind their actions.

Most times we as parents only see the outcome. When we draw our kids out, we find out they have deeper problems. We can draw them out by asking the right questions and watching their behavior.

7 Remedies
  1. Calm down
  2. Count to 20
  3. Listen
  4. Let him speak
  5. Be apologetic
  6. Have empathy
  7. Let him know you still love him after wards
Do Not Interfere
One final thought to teens. You're showing yourselves mature when you listen to your parents, even if they're upset and saying all the wrong things. Try to listen and speak when they're done. Getting upset and interfering will only make the problem worse.

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed my article, please say so. If you have a comment you'd like to share, please do so.

Here is a book that I've done some research on. It has some awesome reviews! It helps parents get to the core of the problem with behavior issues with their kids. It helps parents to change the way they interact with their children/teens.  It talks about how sugar can contribute to bad behavior, and it gives suggestions on good nutrition. It helps parents to understand why a child/teen might have behavior problems.

I think this is a must have for all parents, even if it's just to educate yourselves. Sometimes it's how we say things to our kids/teens that causes them to act the way they do. We have to learn how to communicate better with them. This book will help you! You'll see results within 30 days! This book comes as an e-book you can get it right now, no waiting! Follow the link below for you own personal copy!

The Happy Child Guide
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  1. Very interesting blog. I do not know how I missed following this blog.

  2. Thanks Sailor! I'll be back to visit you soon. Have a good one!

  3. Excellent advice, Kim. Having been there, done that with teens (three times, three girls, three times the hormones!) you are right on the money with your tips.

    Good luck to all with teens. It DOES get better. It IS worth it! :)

  4. Sooo,,, from the parents perspective... if you speak calmly and rationally to your teen they won't listen because it doesn't get their attention and doesn't seem relevent to their life.

    If you dramatize it a bit, they shut down.

    Maybe we should text them. :D

  5. Thanks for stopping by Lisa and leaving your comment. Congrats on raising three daughters! Thanks for letting us know that it will get better! I believe it'll be worth it too!

  6. Thanks Colleen! lol

    I know teens are in a world all their own. No matter how we approach them at times, it seems to always be wrong. Somewhere in there we've got to believe we're being

    We may have to text them at


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