Sunday, March 27, 2011

Teens Hurt By Friends - Coping Strategies

True Friends Are Color Blind

Why does it hurt so much when my friend makes fun of me? What should I do?

It's never fun when someone makes fun of you. Especially when that someone is a friend. It can hurt deep down.  I can remember some of my friends making fun of me when I was in school. I didn't know why they made fun of me. I didn't care, I just wanted friends. I still wanted to be their friend, even after the mistreatment.

Jealousy Stops Friendships from Forming
Now that I'm older, I realize that they were jealous. When they made fun of me, I felt weird, unattractive, and not likable. When in all actuality I was the opposite. I wasn't weird (I was normal), I was somewhat attractive (probably a great deal to those that made fun of me), and I was likable.

I was the skinny girl with the long pretty hair. I've always had long hair (I got it from my Mom). The boys liked teasing me and being my friends. The girls got in groups and talked about me. I had no problem befriending the guys. I just had problems befriending some of the girls. I really didn't want to be friends with the guys. I wanted to be friends with the girls. Since most girls didn't want my friendship, I had more guy friends than girl friends.

Work On the Person Inside
I thought I was an average looking girl. I guess to some I was nice looking. I think they were jealous. Plus, I never wore trendy clothes. My parents couldn't afford them. That may be another reason as to why they made fun of me. I always tell my kids not to worry so much about what they're wearing on the outside, worry about what's on the inside.

Seek Friends That Are Going To Help You
If your friend makes fun of you, is he a true friend? Maybe he just likes joking around. Okay, that may be so. But if he continues to hurt you, do you need him as a friend? What can you do to improve the situation? Perhaps you need to talk to him. If he continues to make fun of you, it may be time to find another friend. A friend that is always hurting you is not worth having as a Friend. You deserve a much better friend.

No doubt it'll be hard to just cut your friend out of your life. That may not be necessary. It can be as simple as cutting back on the time you spend with that person. Seek out true friends that do not make fun of you, accept you for who you are, and want the best for you. Maybe when he sees you limiting your time with him he'll get the point, and change his behavior.

Share Your Feelings with Your Parents
When I hear of someone making fun of someone else, it bothers me. Especially if they're talking about the person's clothes; or making jokes in reference to the color of the person's skin. Young and immature kids/teens have a tendency to do this. Most people do not like it when someone makes fun of what they have on or makes jokes about the color of their skin. If you don't like it, you're normal. I always say, "The very person that you're making fun of, could be the very person that saves your life some day."

It burns me when my Son tells me this has happened to him. I want to step in and talk to the person myself. But I don't. I think it's important for him to work out his own problems. I'll give him my view along with suggestions. I leave it up to him to decide how he wants to handle the situation. If I keep fixing his problems, he will not learn how to fix them on his own?

I'm just glad that I'm able to be home with my kids. Even If I have to pinch pennies, they're worth each and every penny. If I wasn't home, they wouldn't be able to share their troubles with me (when they really want and need to). Sometimes I (we) have to stop and count the blessings that we do have.


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